Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize