i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
