Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
