Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
