So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
