The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
