You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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