Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
