Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
