Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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