I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
