Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
