omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
