he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
