just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
