I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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