I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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