I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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