I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
