so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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