And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
