Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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