I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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