had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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