On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
True strength comes from lack of pants
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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