My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize