If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
