I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
