Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
