Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
