apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
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