Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize