u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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