she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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