My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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