Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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