Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
