So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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