I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm too high and old for this...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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