I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
