did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
