Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
