i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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