omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
