and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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