I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
