what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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