do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
