Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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