Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize