At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
