We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
