I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
