no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize