I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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