you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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