Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
