I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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