I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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