i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
