WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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