my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She bit a glass in half.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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