No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
