I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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