There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
