my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
