Well apparently he's into motor boating.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
