ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
