Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My Higher Power is John Stamos
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
