Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
