just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
