I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
