Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
