After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sex in a hospital.. check
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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