I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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