I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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