The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
