Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
