As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
