guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you inspire me to be a worse person
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
