there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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