I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
