a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
