I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
