Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
