I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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