i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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