I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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