Got a toothbrush?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
