I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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