Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
