The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
