And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
