Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
