About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
