Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
