He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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