So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
