wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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