My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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