I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
