I am in a vortex of obligation.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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