Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
