I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
