I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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